• I will not waste chalk
• I will not skateboard in the halls
• I will not burp in class
• I will not instigate revolution
• I will not draw naked ladies in class
• I did not see Elvis
• I will not call my teacher `Hot Cakes'
• Garlic gum is not funny
• They are laughing at me, not with me
• I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
• I will not encourage others to fly
• I will not fake my way through life
• Tar is not a plaything
• I will not Xerox my butt
• I will not trade pants with others
• I will not do that thing with my tongue
• I will not drive the principal's car
• I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
• I will not sell school property
• I will not cut corners
• " " " " "
• " " " " "
• I will not get very far with this attitude
• I will not make flatulent noises in class
• I will not belch the National Anthem
• I will not sell land in Florida
• I will not grease the monkey bars
• I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
• I will not do anything bad ever again
• I will not show off {The board was written in an Old English font}
• I will not sleep through my education
• I am not a dentist
• Spitwads are not free speech
• Nobody likes sunburn slappers
• High explosives and school don't mix
• I will not bribe Principal Skinner
• I will finish what I sta
• Hamsters cannot fly
• Underwear should be worn on the inside
• The Christmas pageant does not stink
• I will not torment the emotionally frail
• I will not carve gods
• I will not spank others
• I will not aim for the head
• I will not barf unless I'm sick
• I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
• I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's [sic] lounge
• I will not conduct my own fire drills
• Funny noises are not funny
• I will not snap bras
• I will not fake seizures
• This punishment is not boring and meaningless
• My name is not Dr. Death
• I will not defame New Orleans
• I will not prescribe medication
• I will not bury the new kid
• I will not teach others to fly
• I will not bring sheep to class
• A burp is not an answer
• Teacher is not a leper
• I will not eat things for money
• I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
• The principal's toupee is not a frisbee
• I will not squeak chalk
• Goldfish don't bounce
• Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
• Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story